Posts Tagged “joke”

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster…”

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then." he said with a deep sigh, . .. . … . ..

"Let’s put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

 

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At dawn the telephone rings. ‘Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house.’

‘Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?’

‘Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead’

‘My parrot? Dead? The one that won the international competition?’

‘Si, Senor, that’s the one.’

‘Damn! That’s a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?’

‘From eating the rotten meat, Senor Rod.’

‘Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?’

‘Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse.’

‘Dead horse? What dead horse?’

‘The thoroughbred, Senor Rod.’

‘My prize thoroughbred is dead?’

‘Si Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart.’

‘Are you insane? What water cart?’

‘The one we used to put out the fire, Senor.’

‘Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?’

‘The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire.’

‘What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?’

‘Si, Senor Rod.’

‘But there’s electricity at the house! What was the candle for?’

‘For the funeral, Senor Rod.’

‘WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL?’

‘Your wife’s, Senor Rod’. She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new TaylorMade R580 golf club.’

SILENCE . . . . . .. . . LONG SILENCE . . . . . . . …

‘Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you’re in deep shit!’

 

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